The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she smelled like a LAN party
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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