You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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