i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
