I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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