Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
