Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
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you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
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I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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