I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
