she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
