How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
