if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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