we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
