And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
