she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
