i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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