you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
