Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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