I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Sober January is a disaster.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
