Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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