I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
