pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
