if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
