3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
