So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
