Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
