At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
