Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
