And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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