I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
