Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
