we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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