dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
