I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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