Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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