Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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