So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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