How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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