Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
