Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
