I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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