I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
