Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
