I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
