wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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