This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
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bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
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We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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