I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
