adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
