He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Your penis caused this!
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