Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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