so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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