I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
