for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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