We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
