she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
