Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
