it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
