That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
