Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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