I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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