I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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