I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize