Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
