the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
