My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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