then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
