I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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