every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
