He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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