you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
