There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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