Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
