Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
