he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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