weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
