I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
