White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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